This blog has got me thinking. I wonder how many brave souls read this journal and would post their secrets. I'm turning off IP tracking. Tell me your secrets. Post as many as you want, as many times as you want. If I get a few replies, I might even jot down a few of my own.

A few rules though:
This is strictly anonymous. Signed posts will be deleted.
Feel free to comment on other peoples' posts, but rude or judgemental posts will be deleted. Play nice.

Edit: I've pushed the date forward so this stays current.

Updating while I have a moment. Um...so yeah. What was I going to write about then?

Had an amazing night with James last night. We took advantage of having the apartment to ourselves by doing adult things. We...paid bills and refinanced our mortgage!! And then had sex. It would have been nice to have had more time to just hang out, but work ran over. Like it's doing tonight. *sigh* It's nice though, I'm finally getting comfortable living in his place. It doesn't quite feel like "home" yet, which leaves me somewhat emotionally homeless at the moment because my parent's house doesn't feel like home either, but I do feel comfortable being there when he's not around now. Before, I felt odd reading in the living room while he slept in his bedroom. Like I was a guest and if we weren't actually doing something together, I should leave. I think once we get a place all to ourselves, I'll finally feel 100% right. Living with another couple is...odd. Not bad, just different. And the fact that his cousin's girlfriend doesn't say a word to me or even come out into the living room if I'm there doesn't help matters. Maybe she's going through that transitional phase too. Or just likes staying locked up in their room, I don't know.

Can't sleep, so I'm updating my livejournal. Maybe that will help. Maybe if I get this all out here, I can stop thinking about it and go to bed. Borrowing James' laptop since I'm not sure where mine is and it probably wouldn't get a strong enough internet signal anyway. Or to be specific, borrowing the laptop that James said he put on a credit card but is really borrowing from his 'friend.' Man, I hate when people lie about dumb shit. But that's beside the point. Or maybe it isn't. Coming back to that later.

So yeah, despite your sage advice, I decided to stay with him. For a few reasons. One, I love him. Two, everything he's done up to this point suggests that he really loves me. Three, I really don't get the impression that he cared much for that girl, at least not romantically. He said she pressured him into a relationship, and I can really see that from the AIM convos she posted. It's mostly her trying to pry information out of him, like, "How much do you love me?" and "How much do you want to be with me?" and her being all gushy and stuff while he responded with the occasional "A lot" or "I love you," etc. Jim said the same thing. His exact words when he read that convo he had after we first went out were, "It sounds like someone who is being put in a situation they don't want to be in." And a lot of her journal is her complaining that he always 'forgets' to log on to AIM. When we first started going out, I had to re-download MSN messenger because he said he didn't like to signon to AIM because there were people on there that bothered him that he didn't want to talk to. Every time I wanted him to log on to AIM for one reason or another, he'd want me to be quick and then switch to MSN. And as far as actually talking on the phone goes, every time she calls while I'm there, he sends it to voicemail. I actually made him call her the other night just to get it over with. He doesn't even have her number programmed on his phone. Good friend or not, it doesn't sound to me like he likes talking to her.

Of course, he also said that he told her, first months before we went out, then about a month before we went out when I showed him the September 29 convo, that he couldn't have a relationship with her. Now his exact words could have been a little ambiguous to someone who is either extremely dense or is really hoping to hear things a certain way, but what bothers me is that on the 29th, he didn't do a thing to set her straight. Up until a couple of nights ago, she really thought that they still had a long distance relationship going. Of course, I can believe him when he said that he told her what he told her and that she misunderstood him because he has even posted about me in his livejournal and she still had no clue that he was seeing someone. His exact words: "Well as it turns out I am happy. Yes very very happy. I found someone. ... Found lady. Lady nice and funny and I enjoy spending time with her. She tolorates my music *gasp* I know." Ambguous, again, yes, but enough to raise a few questions. I know if I were dating someone across state lines, I'd be asking him exactly who this lady was. But still...he talked to her at least a couple of times since we've been dating and it's bleeding obvious that she was infatuated with him. Wouldn't that be a good opportunity to reiterate the point about not being able to have a long-distance relationship, wanting to just remain friends, and maybe even encouraging her to find a local boy?

The extremely cynical side of me (read: my mother's influence) notes that if he broke up with her outright, he probably realized that she'd want her computer back. So was he using her for a laptop? I'm not going to jump to conclusions on that; I'm just stating that yes, I do see that angle. I frankly don't care one way or the other. The question that concerns me is the one that the laptop issue leads to, and that is whether or not he's using me. And I can honestly say that I don't think so. Like I said, everything he's done suggests that he's very much in love with me. He constantly wonders how I am and what I'm thinking and when he has money, he doesn't hesitate to spend it on me. He just put tires on my car. When you use someone, you don't go and drop a quarter of your check on tires for them. You don't call them just to say hi or hear their voice. You don't cook them breakfast in bed. You don't try to spend every waking minute with them even when they're not very interesting. So no, he's not using me. I don't doubt that he loves me. I don't think I ever really did.

It's the trust issue that bothers me. That nagging feeling still hasn't gone away, and won't as long as I keep finding more and more bits of his story that don't match up. Piecing together what he has told me about his past before he met me is like trying to combine two or three jigsaw puzzles into one picture. He asked me one night how I wanted to be proposed to. This was before I knew about any of this, and if he had asked me to marry him that night, I probably would have said yes. Now, I don't think I could say that. I can still see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I can't committ to that idea until I have one clear picture.

So I just found out that James has another girlfriend in Savannah. Dionne. That "friend" of his that "keeps calling and I don't feel like talking to her." I left her a message in her LJ. Just in case he hasn't mentioned me to her, I think she has a right to know. And that he says the SAME FUCKING THINGS TO ME THAT HE SAYS TO HER. "I love you." "Love you more." "You wish."

I wonder if this sounds familiar to her. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." "How would you like to be proposed to?"

Haha, you think you're going to marry me, you ass? Last I checked, polygamy was not legal in this country.

Fuckwit. *kicks him* How dare he?!? I mean, he practically acts like we're married as it is. He merges our money together, asks me to move in with him, plays the caring boyfriend by putting tires on my car, lets me buy him food and cigarettes, all while stringing along this other girl. How can you tell someone that you love them more than anything and that you want to spend the rest of your life with them when you know that there's someone else who thinks you feel that way about them? That sentence probably didn't make sense, much like my mind at this point. Again, HOW DARE HE?!?!?

We are talking tonight. He is going to explain everything. And then make a choice. And if he chooses me, well...I don't know. He's going to have to do a lot to rebuild my trust. I had this nagging feeling all along. Intuition, I guess. I was always a little apprehensive about him, but I tried to tell myself that it was just my imagination. Well, I guess that goes to show that you should always listen to your intuition. Do I still love him? I think so. But I don't trust him as far as I can throw him right now.

Stolen from salinetears Along with all the quotes. Like I have time to ponder that stuff.

Everything Anyone Ever Wanted To Know About You
The Basic Stuff
Name?: Heather
Age?: Tengo veinticuatro años.
Height?: 5'4
Weight?: More than it should be. Ok, 121.
Birthday?: 9/24/81
Birthplace?: Grand Rapids, MI, Butterworth hospital
Current Location?: The basement.
School/Grade?: 13th grade.
Zodiac Sign?: Libra
Chinese Zodiac Sign?: Cock. (I'm so dirty *blushes*)
Righty or Lefty?: Righty
Haircolor?: Auburn
Eyecolor?: Brown
Skin Color?: Peach.

About You
What's Your Family Situation (Parents, Siblings, etc)?: Yes, I have those.

Any Pets?: One dog and one cat that are mine. I live with two of James' cats.
If So What Are They?: Dog. Cat. Cat. Cat.
Favorite Relative?: Eh....Hm...*thinks*...*pauses*...look, what's that over there?!?
Least Favorite Relative?: My aunt-in-law.
What's Your Heritage/Race?: Dutch/French/English/Irish
Political Affilation?: When the mood strikes.

Love & Sex
Sexuality?: Straight, more or less.
Are You In A Relationship Now?: Yuppers.
If So, With Whom?: firestorm_lost
For How Long?: About two months.
Are You In Love?: Mmmhm.
Do You Have A Crush On Anyone?: That sounds painful.
Ever Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex?: Sí.
How Old Were You When You Had Your First Kiss?: Probably sometime within the first month of my life.
Virgin?: Hahahaha. Yes. You know I was married, right?
If Not, How Old Were You When You Had Sex For The First Time?: 17.
Was It Enjoyable?: Is it ever the first time?
What's The Farthest You've Ever Gone?: Florida. (Ok, I suck)
Where Do You Most Like To Be Kissed?: In Grand Rapids, with these gas prices.
Best Love Quote?: "I don't want our friendship to be ruined. But I want you. Except...then our friendship would be ruined."

Your Friends
Best?: Kevin's the one I spend the most time with, so...yeah.
How Many Do You Have?: 2 or 3 I suppose.
More Guys Or Girls?: The guys. All guys, actually.
Love Them All?: Definitely.
Any You Wish You Were Closer To?: Physically, Oz. Damn, that is a drive.
Oldest?: Ron.
Newest?: Kevin.
Pen Pal?: Had one, then he stopped writing. *shrug*

This Or That

Shorts or Pants?: Pants
Shoes or Barefeet?: Yay for nudity.
Books or Movies?: Books.
Night or Day?: Night
Dark or Light?: Dark
Mountains or Beach?: Beach.
Snow or Sun?: Sun
Pepsi or Coke?: Diet Coke or regular Pepsi.
Guys or Girls?: Guys
Swim or Surf?: Neither.

For or Against
Gay Marriage?: Sure.
Abortion?: Not for me, but I'm not going to tell you what to do with your own body.
Bush Getting Re-elected?: I will move to Canada. (ditto)
Suicide?: Only with a rusty razorblade with Oz in a field in the middle of nowhere.
War?: If it's justified.
Pants?: On whom? I mean, some people can pull off a skirt....some can't.
Clothes In General?: Again, yay nudity!
Penises?: Um...yeah?

Favorites
Color?: Infrared.
Number?: Ocho.
Holiday?: I'm not religious.
Season?: Autumn
Movie?: Bridget Jones.
Book?: Phantom of the Opera.
Magazine?: GQ
Food?: Anything.
Drink?: Rum.
TV Show?: Don't have time for it.
Song?: Siuil a Ruin.
Band?: Currently Muse, Sneaker Pimps and Mindless Self Indulgence Oh yessss....MSI. And HIM and a slew of bands Kevin has introduced me to.
Computer Game?: None.
Video Game?: Ha. Haha! Heh...yeah.
Anime/Manga?: None.
Shirt?: Whatever I'm wearing.
Pants?: Anything I can find that actually fit.
Actor?: Ralph Fiennes.
Actress?: Don't have one.
Singer?: That girl from Nightwish. Damn.
Flower?: Calla Lilies.
Scent?: Vanilla and Amber.
Animal?: All.
Cookie?: Peanut Butter.

The Future
Want To Go To College?: Not anymore.
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?: Grow up? Me? Never.
Want To Get Married?: Done it. Wouldn't mind doing it again, though.
Want To Have Kids?: Maybe.
What Would Their Names Be?: Haven't thought on it.
How Many?: Meh.
Where Do You Want To Live?: The country.
Where Do You Want To Get Married?: In the middle of the forest.
How Do You Want To Die?: Happy.

More Stuff About You
Piercings?: Ears.
Tattoos?: Not yet.
Smoke?: Yup.
Drink?: Sometimes.
Do Drugs?: No.
Skinny Dip?: Once or twice.
Greatest Fear?: Letting someone down.
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla.
Go To Church?: No.
Religion?: Religion spawns cults and hatred. So no. LOL I have to leave this one.
Scars?: A few.
CDs Owned?: Too many.
Collections?: CDs and random trash.
Like To Be Naked?: Alone or with James, yes.
Ever Eaten Sushi?: Yes. Yum.
An Entire Case Of Oreos?: Ew.
Been On Stage?: Yes, a theatre full.
Danced In The Rain?: Yes. Yes. YES! With James. Along the Grand River.
Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex?: No.
Weirdest Dream?: This one with my mom and me in an abandoned arcade.
Best Dream?: That one.
Saddest Dream?: The same.
Dream You Most Wish Would Come True?: Dreams don't come true.
Think You're Attractive?: No, but other people do, apparently.
Shoplifted?: No.
Been Caught "Doing Something"?: Yes.
Weirdest Makeout Place?: "Makeout" place? I don't think I've made out with anyone somewhere odd. Sex, on the other hand...
Like Thunderstorms?: I love 'em.
Favorite Shoes?: My old ass Converse or my Ponies.
Favorite Quote?: "Protege Moi."
Best Advice Given?: "Stop thinking about him and move on." or "You're angry at HIM for being with HER??? You're a goddamned hypocrite! You're on your own self destructive path. Just stop!" (Did I follow it...now that's a different story.)
Worst Advice Given?: "Just slit your wrists."
Favorite Song Lyric?: "You're something beautiful, a contradiction"
What Quote Says Most About Your Life?: Er...
Glad This Is Over?: Yeah, now I can find something else to be bored by.

testing...

Morningstar75 is closing. Dammit.

( I finally realized who James reminds me of... )

He cooked for me again today. Awwwww.... He made lemon butter chicken with rigatoni Alfredo and broccoli. Oh so yummy. Yes, I have my own personal chef. I love it.

I just love watching him cook. He's so focused and so in his element. I can't describe it. Watching him is like bottled joy. Only there's no bottle. Time to think of a better analogy. I just stand off to the side thinking, "OMG I love you." I really wanted to get a photo of him cooking, but Jim's battery was dying in his camera. I do have this slightly dorky adorable candid shot, though:



All you naysayers can go piss off at this point. I'm keeping this one around for a very long time. ^_^

In other news, I am DONE! I am fucking DONE with my backlog of History homework! *does dance of joy* Now I've just got to submit myself to Exam From Hell II: The Return, and I shall be done with unit 2 with nothing to worry about until the end of next month. (Until the website review is due, of course, but that's not until next Friday, so no problems there.) I was going to take the exam last night, then tonight when I get home, but I realized my dial-up is way too slow for my high-speed googling needs, so I'm going to go to that little coffeehouse on Fulton that has wireless internet tomorrow between Spanish and English.

I think I deserve a t-shirt that says, "I Survived 7:45 Algebra." They should hand them out as you walk out the door. Anyway...

Three things that scare me

1. Getting lost
2. Drowning.
3. Existing without living.

Three people who make me laugh

1. Oz
2. James
3. Kevin

Three things I love

1. James.
2. Natural highs.
3. Tiramisu. Oh, blessed non-veganism.

Three things on my dresser/desk

1. Electronic windchime.
2. High school photo of my mom.
3. James' CDs.

Three things I dislike

1. Being late.
2. Rudeness.
3. Liver.

Three things I’m doing right now

1. Filling out this dumb survey.
2. Listening to the Cure.
3. Thinking about the dumb story I wrote for English.

Three things I want to do before I die

1. RV around the US. Me and you and a dog named Boo, baby.
2. Volunteer in Africa India, Africa, or in any third world country.
3. Adopt a child

Three things I can do

1. Fuck things up.
2. Pretend to speak Spanish.
3. Change my mind constantly.

Three words to describe my personality

1. Random.
2. Mood.
3. Swings.

Three bad habits

1. Bitchiness.
2. Selfishness.
3. Skipping Philosophy Algebra and the occasional Spanish.

Three words to describe my looks

1. Pelliroja.
2. Baja.
3. ¿Bonita? Haha.

Three things I can’t do

1. Swim.
2. Sing soprano.
3. Play the guitar. Yet.

Three of my absolute favorite foods

1. Tiramisu.
2. Aaloo Palak.
3. Masaman with steamed tofu.

Three beverages I drink regularly

1. Diet Coke.
2. Faygo.
3. Water.

Three Movies I watched as a Kid

1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
2. Little Mermaid.
3. The Wizard of Oz.

Three things I say a lot

1. Random Spanish - Hace frío, tengo hambre, etc.
2. Damnit!
3. Fuck.

I had a gigantic entry here, but I deleted it. I don't feel like rehashing the clusterfuck that was this weekend. But one thing does need to be said. Kevin, you probably have no idea, but you are the only reason I stayed sane this weekend. Each time I needed you, you were there, even though I didn't expect you to be. You're amazing. Thank you.

Oh, oh! I almost forgot...James is going to show me how to shoot a bow and take me hunting. Aw yeah, this little vegan is gonna go kill Bambi.

So yeah, now that I've actually posted a real update, I don't feel bad about shoving this survey up there. Take it, bitches!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
� I died from natural causes:
� I said I liked you:
� I kissed you:
� I lived next door to you:
� I stole something:
� I was hospitalized:
� I ran away from home:
� I got into a fight and you were there:


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
� Personality:
� Eyes:
� Hair:
� Body:


WOULD YOU:
� Be my friend?:
� Keep a secret if I told you one?:
� Hold my hand?:
� Take a bullet for me?:
� Keep in touch?:
� Try and solve my problems?:
� Love me?:
� Go out w/ me?:


HAVE YOU EVER:
� Lied to make me feel better?:
� Wanted to kiss me?:
� Kept something important from me?:
� Thought I was unbearably annoying?:


~*::And More::*~
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? If yes, what it is?
14. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?
15. Have you ever liked me and do you still?

Yes I know. Very long time without updating. I actually wrote one or two entries, but the wireless at school won't let me post anything, so I wound up saving them to my hard drive and forgetting about them. So anyway, since the last time I wrote, and in no particular order, I...

Went to a hip hop benefit wth Kevin. There were about 35 artists performing 5 minute sets. We saw about 6 of them, but to be fair, we were there for about 3 and a half hours before the first act took the stage. We got to see the Jackson 5 4, an MC Hammer flashback, and a very coked up white guy. It was glorious. Luckily, the guy we were actually there to see, Pernod Fils, was early in the program. He was really good, and we left immediately afterward.

Took an exam from Hell. Late one Saturday night for 2 and a half hours, I Googled like nobody's business and came up with a test that just might pass if I happened to get the teacher drunk before he graded it. And then the damn thing didn't post because I think I entered the wrong password or something. So, it being 3 or 4 de la mañana, I went to Kevin's to watch Underworld and forget that History ever existed. The next day, of course, I check my email to find out if I've just screwed myself out of 200 points, and learn that I will have to...

Retake the exam from Hell. It seems Blackboard was having problems that weekend and other peoples' exams got lost, too, so those people got to retake it. Luckily, I saved the answers to my hard drive. Two and a half more hours later in a coffeeshop on Fulton, I scraped by with an A-. God bless the internets and computer/user errors. PEBKAC forver!

And just to illustrate for myself the dangers of waiting so long to update, I became an item with James. Specifically, spent a few more dates that lasted into the next day, including dancing in the rain. Realized that I liked him lots, although I've got no idea why he likes me.

And now I am waiting for him to call whilst AIMing some random person who randomly added me to their friends list and then forgot who I was. LOL

Yeah, I'm in the office tonight, so expect random edit/updates as the night goes on. ( Cutting because I care. And I know you don't. )

It's 10:20 and I'm updating my LJ, which means I've decided that Spanish is expendable. I consider it a mandate from God. All of the parking lots were full. Granted, I got there after all the lots generally fill up, but that's beside the point. I think God broke my valve stem and made the tire place not open until 9:00 just so I'd have to miss Spanish. Who am I to argue with the Word of the Lord? (Who can argue, really?)

So I'm sitting in 75, trying to drink atomically hot coffee, reminiscing over the last 24 hours. Join me, won't you?

Ok then. Blah blah, boring normal Sunday. Went out for lunch with my parents...worked a little, tried to load some software on my laptop. Tried to network said laptop to Jim's computer, failed. Even with the aid of the "user friendly" Microsoft network wizard. Phear my computer unskillz.

Called up James, kicked around the idea of going to that cheap movie, but it was the 40 Year-Old Virgin, so decided against it. Yes, I called the next day and contemplated a second date on the following night. I know there's some rule against that. Well, rules were made to be broken. *is badass* Hung out at 75 to work on essay. Accomplished nothing. (My slacker skillz are in top shape) Wound up going for an impromptu drive to nowhere the river with James, which led to me putting a hole in my valve stem, which led to him showing off his mad tire-changing skillz, which somehow led to dancing in the rain, Moulan Rouge, and the sweetest tea I've ever had. I probably would have stayed right up until daybreak if his sister hadn't decided to throw a fit. Ah well. There will be other sleepless nights that end in unique tofu breakfast concoctions at sunrise. (Yes, I was planning a trip to Meijers in a couple of hours if we hadn't been so rudely interrupted.)

I did finish my essay, of course, after I got home. Never did sleep, though. I think I'm due for a nap sometime after my meter and/or battery runs out.

Wow. Well, first of all, Maferefun Oshun. This lady is just amazing. I've never paid much attention to her because I'd been avoiding the whole "looking for love" thing, so I've never really been able to see just how powerful she is. Damn, am I impressed! Ok, about a week ago, I decided that I could really use more people in my life, so I set up a makeshift altar with some river water (gathered directly from the Grand; what a trip that was), a 5 peacock feathers, and a porcelain doll that used to sit on the shelf that became the altar. I was cleaning everything off so I could set it up, wondering what photograph I could use to represent Oshun, when the doll just screamed "Don't put me away; I'll be Oshun!!" So there she is.

Since then I've met three amazing people. Ok, more or less. I actually met Oz before setting all that up, but why go into details? And while my chances of a relationship with him fell to the side, I do think we'll wind up being pretty good friends. Out of the blue, I got IMed and the phone number of Kevin, who is a ton of fun to chill with, and will probably also wind up being a good friend. And then out of nowhere James, who I'd always thought was cute, started talking to me. Like whoa...where did all this attention come from? And they're all guys. Oh so Oshun. *loves her*

Ok then, skipping over my morning of laptop-shopping and menu-gathering, I am pleased to announce that my suspicions about James were correct. Game Boys never lie. *nods sagely* Although I'll have to admit, by the time 3:00 rolled around, I'd figured that he'd forgotten all about going out today, and I resigned myself to heading up to see Miles to Mars by myself. *woeful sigh* I was wrong, however, and he wound up calling while I was at Jim's picking up the new Asian Garden menu so I can carry it around in my car like I'm actually going to work on it this weekend. He said he'd call me when he finished cleaning, and I headed up to Easttown since Miles to Mars was going onstage in about half an hour. (They were really good, BTW...must find their CD, if any exist.) He showed up at the start of the last song, after which we went down to Mancino's where he...ok, get this...*pauses to savor the moment*...split a cheeseless veggie head pizza with me. *wipes a tear* And said it was good!! Oh, so many bonus points.

Ok, after that shock and awe, we went up to 75 for some coffee and then he took me on an incredibly long walk to a park that was "just down the road." After we got tired of swinging and hanging around the playground, we headed back to 75 to play an altered version of War that involves lots of question-asking.

And oh, I almost forgot. I have to interrupt this bland narrative to tell you about probably the most...interesting vagrant I've ever encountered. Ok, walking back from the Cherry street park, there is this large black woman on the sidewalk ahead of us, yelling something incomrehensible. As she approaches, I see she's going to ask for money, so I get out my wallet, figuring a $5 will make her go away. Oh no. She was grateful. Very grateful. She hugs me and starts crying about her daughter kicking her out of the house and her son getting killed and there was probably other stuff in there that got lost in the rum. I try to be nice and make some allusion to her son being in heaven looking down on her or something; the kind of thing "nice folk" say, figuring she'd appreciate the sentiment and move on. Not quite yet. More hugging and incomprehensible mumbling. And then she points to James and says something like, "This is your boyfriend, right?" Mind you, I wasn't even sure if we were on a date yet; I'd never used the term "date," merely, "Let's go hang out." So I said no. She wouldn't take no for an answer. No, to her, he is my boyfriend, and I'd better hang on to him because he's a good man and cute and NOT BISEXUAL (this was repeated several times), and therefore the world will treat him well. Or something. I don't know. I was too busy giggling and he was too busy running off and blushing. But finally, finally, she decided we'd had enough and let us go, but not after giving James one last hug and telling me again to hang onto him and remember that "The man is the head." Oh my.

So where was I? Oh yes, War with questions. And then we up and decided to go to the beach. And oh, he's as random and spontaneous as me! More bonus points!

So yeah...hung out on the beach for a bit. There was music playing at a wedding reception on one of the dunes, so he tried to show me how to dance. That was an experience as I have no rhythm whatsoever. Then I took him on an incredibly long drive (payback, I tell ya!) out to Dorr for no good reason, after which we hung out in Steak and Shake for awhile (that being the first time I'd stepped foot inside a Steak and Shake in about 3 years) and then I drove him home.

'Twas much fun and probably the best birthday I've had in a long time.

Using Jim's laptop since our computer got fried yet AGAIN in the storm. I think this is either the fourth or fifth modem we've been through. But this thing is a piece of shit, so I'm really looking forward to getting one of my own. For one, Jim let his kid play with it when he was about, oh, two, so two of the keys are missing and the space bar doesn't work very well. I've just figured out that the mystery nubs that used to be keys are "`" and "insert." It won't accept a floppy from the downstairs computer for god only knows why, and the CD drive sticks and decides to read disks when it feels like it. Oh yes, and did I mention it has a tendency to shut down at odd moments? Yes, wonderful piece of work this laptop is. But at least I got the damn thing online, which is more than I managed last night.

*sigh* Well, it looks like whatever chance Oz and I had of hooking up is gone forever. *weeps* I don't know...I can't decide whether to go emo or goth as a result. Or should I just slit my wrists and be done with it? Oh, I'm so depressed. Woe is me. Woe, WOE, I tell you! *hand*staple*forehead*

*ahem* Yes, that's out of my system now. ^_^ Yeah, I think he is going to get together with some girl in the production of Frankenstein he's in and I'm going to hope that the guy at Asian Garden likes me as much as I think he does. I'm so backwards about these things. We've been flirting for about two days and I still didn't know his name. I'd think of it as soon as I got out in the parking lot. Fearing that he might be forever known to me as "That boy at Asian Garden," I mentioned it to Jim and asked if he'd ever talked to a white boy that works there and, if so, did he happen to get his name? Jim picked up the phone and dialed Shawn at China Yi Wang, who is married to the lady that owns Asian Garden. Shawn of course told him that his name is James, but I should just call him "White Chocolate." No no no. I would not dream of stealing Shawn's pet name of closet gay for Jim. Never.

But I think I may at last have a concrete companion for the Easttown Street Fair. Or rather, a companion who has given me a concrete "yes." A comapnion made of concrete would be too cumbersome, I think, unless he was really small and easy to carry. Getting back to the point, James is supposed to call me sometime this afternoon so we can figure out details or something. He'd better call, at least. I'm going to be pissed if I have to spend my birthday with no one but the former members of Papa Vegas for company. And the rain, of course. I'm sure the rain will be there. But he seems pretty into me, so I think he'll call. He even let me play with his gameboy last night while I was waiting for an order. And nothing says "I like you" more than letting a girl play your portable video game.

How many times have you fallen
Multi-faceted and glistening
Unique and yet familiar
Drifting, swirling, racing
Wherever the winds may take you
Until you land
Upon a desolate road
Only to be pushed aside
Or upon the face of a child
To be mistaken for a tear
Or in the middle of a racing river
That you follow without a care
Raging white with the rapids
Growing calm when the flow turns gentle
Cascading down when at last it is time
To leave the comfort of the river
And plunge into the vastness of the sea
Only to be swept away with the chill wind of the North
Flying upward, soaring
Beyond the rainbow
Into the mist above
Where you reform, crystalline and sparkling
Until your weight becomes too great for the clouds to bear
And you tumble down to Earth once more
Slightly changed, yet still the same
Snowflake

Explaining myself: After re-reading this, this seems a lot like a rip-off, so I'm putting this line of explanation in here, which is something I don't usually do. I don't like to explain myself. Y'all can guess what I mean. ^_^ Anyway, rather than being a jump from the springboard that is this post, it's an answer and a question. Or rather an observation. How did each experience change you? That's also meant to be addressed to anyone who reads this, so I'll write it in (garbled) Spanish where there exists a "you all" form: ¿Cómo se cambiaron cada expereincia? The snowflake is you, and us. We all change, go out, live, die, and reform. If we're lucky, we retain who we are, but with minor changes. If we're unlucky, or perhaps not as determined to remain true to ourselves, we could come back as rain or remain in the clouds forver.

Yeah, I'm going to probably kill myself in the morning, so I might as well make my suicide justified and take a few minutes to update this before I crash. Just got back from coffee with a guy that I met awhile ago on OkCupid named Kevin. Two hour after work coffee date that turned into five hours. I'm almost to that point where I'm debating whether or not it would be better just to stay up all night and sleep after classes, but the fact that my first class doesn't start until 10:15, and that I've got a three hour gap between that and my second class, and that I'll probably have to work all night after that tells me that staying up might be a Bad Idea. So it looks like tomorrow morning will be spent very much like this morning:

1. Wake up.
2. Look at self in mirror, gasp in shock and horror at bags under eyes that make me look about 80.
3. Go out and smoke a cigarette.
4. Come back in, avoid mirror this time.
5. Shower.
6. Look in mirror second time, breathe sigh of relief that shower has somehow erased eye baggage.
7. Throw clothes on.
8. Drive to school, still half asleep.
9. Find parking space in bowels of school ramp.
10. Sleep for three hours until first class.

That is, hoping my alarm actually wakes me up. Sometimes it doesn't if I go to sleep too close to the time it's set to go off. Setting all three of my phone's alarms in increments of 5 minutes, just in case...

Drivel. The word is "drivel," as in low-quality mindless writing that goes nowhere (ie. most of this journal). One neither reads nor writes "dribble" unless they are a basketball coach or a clairvoyant who has run out of tea leaves.

There, that feels better. ^_^

I have a feeling that my online course is going to get me into trouble. Part of it involves posting on a discussion board. It's actually required that you post four times for every unit, but that's really unnecessary here. I am such a know-it-all bitch when it comes to online forums. Therein lies the problem. I am so tempted to totally go off on the professor.

Ok, the subject is slavery reparations...basically what should be done to make it up to the black community. I and most everyone else said that it was such a long time ago that we should focus on fixing the problems of today rather than try to give black families compensation for something their ancestors went through. My own personal answer was that any money that's set aside for "slave reparation" should be used to fix inner-city schools because if minority kids are given the same chances as white kids that go to charter schools, that will bring us one step closer to ending racism. What better reparation can be made than to create equality among the races? He replies (directly to my post) that even though it was a long time ago, there are still repercussions that went on strong until the 60's but still have not been eliminated. Yes, I know. That'd be that whole racism thing that I went on about. He goes on to suggest, in place of a check given to any black family, a museum of racism (which I'll admit is an awesome idea), a formal apology from the government, or a memorial in Washington DC, or something of that nature. Oh, that's just lovely. "Hey, sorry for tearing your ancestors away from their homes and sticking them in flea-infested shacks and making them work from sun-up to sundown every single day of their lives, but here's a crappy plaque; hope that makes up for it." And you know that if Bush was the one to give the apology that he'd fuck it up somehow. He'd probably have to throw in something about him ending discrimination by having Condi Rice in his Cabinet or the classic, "Well, those Africans were living in squalor anyway, so when we brought them over here and put a roof over their heads, it really worked out well for them." If we must apologize, let us at least wait until 2008 so we don't wind up with a full scale riot on our hands.

Really, I have nothing against these kinds of empty gestures from the government as long as they aren't supposed to be taken as the end of the issue and don't cost us a lot of money. Somehow I get the impression that this Administration would find a way for them to be both.

But yeah...I answered him, but I would have like to be a lot more sarcastic than I was. I'll just have to try to hide the snark for another few weeks or until I get a feel for the tone of the board.

Oh yes...while I'm here, hey 9xnine, do you have any idea where I might be able to score a pair of those old timey button up boots? I'd love real vintage boots, but I doubt any antique store would have any to fit my modern-sized feet. :(